The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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