If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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