awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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