Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Found the puke drawer
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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