How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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