I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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Talking to him sober hurts my brain
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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