I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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