I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
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Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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