I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
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I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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