i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize