Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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