I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize