It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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