I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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