I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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