i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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