I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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