I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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