I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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