How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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