We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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