His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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