the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
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What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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