Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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