I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
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its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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