Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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