Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
should my penis look like a turkey
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Never underestimate the power of titties
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize