he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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