My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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