Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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