u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
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They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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