I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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