the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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