I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize