You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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