make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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