now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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