nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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