ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize