You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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