i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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