Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize