i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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