Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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