he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
third nipple confirmed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize