I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize