me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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