He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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