im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
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why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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