I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We are two peas in an std pod
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize